Exploring Romantic Attachment

True Love: (Mr/Mrs. Right, The One, Soulmates.)

It is usually expected of people who are in love that they claim their lover is ``The One''. Ultimately it's very hard to tell because by definition your soul mate is the one person you will meet in your life than you will love above all others. Thus until your life is over you cannot tell who you loved best. You may meet someone tomorrow that you love more. On your deathbed, you could look back over your life and see who you loved the most, and they would be the one. Often a soul mate is someone we love so much, perhaps under particularly strenuous or difficult circumstances, that we cannot imagine loving anyone else more for the rest of our lives.

Usually, your true love is someone you feel a deeper connection with than people you have loved before. You may get the sense that they are special, unique, and a perfect fit with your personality -- the real you, who is not changed by day to day events. If we fall in love because we love someone's personality, and then they change, we may fall out of love, but with soul mates, the assumption is that they can somehow see through the transitory aspects of our personality and observe the ``essence'' of us, that which will never truly change. Thus it is impossible to fall out of true love because of circumstances which change us because the real, central ``You'' that your soul mate sees does not change.

Generally and sadly (especially in plays, books, and films) it is expected that a lot of people who find their Mr/Mrs. Right will lose them again in some tragic separation. There are two main views of this:

View 1:

They seem like Mr/Mrs. Right because you lost them. They are the one you can't forget because you never entered reality and everyday life with them. They are a fantasy. Thus Romeo and Juliet and all the other similar couples wouldn't have found each other exceptional, had they lived together for years and lost all the romance in their relationships. A soul mate is purely a lost chance, someone who might have been someone special, but you never got to find out. It's purely human nature to be curious about the one who got away. The soul mate embodies all our escapism, and impossible dreams, unrealistic ideals, and impossible fantasies. They exist in a space outside real life, such as holiday romances. If introduced to real life they would lose their magic. We project specialness upon them because we want to believe in fairy tales. They come to embody all our ``what if's'' and need for closure.

View 2:

A: Not everyone loses their Mr/Mrs. Right. Some people live in happiness with them for many years, even till death, and are happy to have found their soul mates. We hear about the ones that got lost because it makes a more dramatic story. Romeo and Juliet wouldn't be as moving if the two lovers merely slightly fancied each other, would it? Or if they lived happily ever after? Yes, finding Mr/Mrs. Right and keeping him/her is less dramatic and might seem less romantic, so is less heard of, but anyone who is in love for the wild passionate, hysterical romance of it is living a fantasy, not real love. Real love can include romance, but it is still love even without death scenes and wild speeches and fast-paced action. True love that never encounters huge difficulties does not a good play make, but it isn't any less true.

Read the full article HERE by Ruth Whistler

Love and light,

Trace

xoxo